Let's Try This Again: Birth Story

Let's try this again...
On Friday night I said to DH and my mom that maybe CJ wanted to be born on the 17th since big brother LD was born on the 17th, both were Saturdays. Although I had plenty of stuff to do still I felt like his birth was coming soon after my appointments this week. So glad my mom was able to come Friday morning. That was at least the third time we made her change it.

Every time I got up to pee Friday night I was worried when I got back into bed my water would break. That's what happened last time. At 445 when I woke up it was deja-vu, only no water breaking contractions this time. Same exact time my water broke with LD. I lay in bed for an hour trying to be sure they were contractions and they didn't stop. Despite being told he was engaged Friday at the ultrasound and feeling he'd be here soon I was still sort of not believing I could be in labor. Because ya'll I have to be honest...I still hadn't accepted I was pregnant. Even that close to delivery I was unable to believe and accept what was happening. About 6 I realized I should be timing my contractions but didn't think they were 5 minutes apart. After timing a few I realized they were pretty close to 5 minutes apart. I decided I needed an app to track then better and downloaded one. About 7am after tracking contractions that were anywhere from 3-7 minutes apart for a better part of half an hour I woke up DH. I wanted to take a shower in case it was go time but needed someone to time while I was in the shower. After my shower I realized I was bleeding so decided to call the doc. After a million and one questions and ten minutes for a callback they told me to come in. I wanted to spend some time with LD before we left so I got him dressed and went to tell my mom it was showtime. We left about 8am for the hospital and I was still having contractions every 3-4 minutes. It took about 32 minutes to get there. DH and I joked the whole way there and I wasn't in pain really. They made DH go register when we arrived, despite the fact I had already registered online, and put me in a room to check me out. I peed in a cup and my nurse Megan came in and introduced herself. She was quite chipper and I told her I was hoping this wasn't a false alarm and that I was 3+cm 70% effaced at my last appointment. She asked my pain level, which similar to last time I said 4ish. Quick check revealed I was 6-7cm dilated. She couldn't believe I wasn't in more pain. She asked about epidural last time and I sheepishly admitted to getting one at 9cm. She got pretty excited assuming I wanted a natural childbirth this time. I really hadn't spent too much time mulling it over. I was sort of planning to get an epidural, hoping to make it to 8-9cm before I did though. I remember my first labor vividly and know how my birth canal had to be pieced back together afterwards and I couldn't imagine having that done without some sort of numbing done down there. I also am terrified of transition. The point in labor where contractions are close together and intense to help with pushing. I remember how the epidural was sweet relief and I never felt guilty or bad about getting it. I wasn't disappointed in myself. DH, however was hoping I'd go natural this time. Easy for him to say, right? After realizing how dilated I was Megan got me into a labor and delivery room right away. She mentioned talking to the doctor about allowing me to walk around to manage my contractions after the doctor checked me. There was a nurse prepping the room with all the baby care and delivery tools. Checking the baby warming table. Doing all the things I expect close to delivery. The doctor on call came in and checked me. She asked if I wanted an epidural and I waffled. She reassured me most women, according to her 98%, get an epidural. As I was starting to consent someone mentioned I was on Heparin. Immediately the doc shut down the epidural. DH had rejoined us by this time. I was pretty much in disbelief as it had been over 12 hours since my last Heparin dose, I was actually due for my next one. My doc had switched me from Lovenox to Heparin because according to her Heparin can be reversed so an epidural can be given. Now I was being told nope not happening. The doc on call assured me the pushing stage would be super quick. Her estimate was 15 minutes. At this point my mind was reeling. It was one thing to try to decide about getting an epidural but totally another to be told nope not an option. I was scared. Really, really scared. The nurse told me she'd send off my bloodwork and talk to anesthesia about giving me an epidural but no one seemed optimistic. She took my bloodwork out and sent it off. She came back a few minutes later to start admitting me and I suddenly had the urge to push. I told her I was pretty sure it was time. She checked and it was. Now I was really scared. I knew at that point I was delivering this baby and I wasn't going to have drugs. I was scared for the pain I thought was coming. At that point she told me to go ahead and push when I felt the urge to push. She explained how to push again and then it was go time. That first push felt so ineffective. I was totally letting the fear control my pushing and I held back. I felt him move forward and then as I stopped pushing he slid back. I was so frustrated. I pushed this way for a few more contractions. Then I got a hold of myself and realized the sooner I pushed correctly the sooner he'd be here. I was still terrified though. As soon as I realized I needed to do better pushes I made immediate progress. At this point the doctor came back. I won't lie and say I didn't scream, cry, yell, nearly rip DH and sweet nurse Megan's arms off, and more than once give up and say I couldn't do it. I was pretty convinced he'd be graduating from college from my pelvis more than once. Last time I did not want an episiotomy. I wanted to tear naturally as it is apparently easier to heal that way. This time when I saw the doc reach for the scissors I was relieved. I was hoping her cut would help speed things up. Then suddenly after one particularly forceful push out his head popped. The doctor just caught him, she was turned away looking for something on the table. The doctor and Megan both yelled, "Stop!!" They told me earlier the key to successful natural childbirth is to really listen to the doctor and nurse because that helps keep things in control. Apparently I immediately stopped and repeated back to them stop. I told DH later that I think I stopped from the shock of seeing CJ emerge so quickly from me and being scared he was going to fall out and get hurt. I never exactly wanted to see my child pop out, but it was pretty cool. The rest went quickly at that point and soon he was cradled on my chest. Unbelievable. The doc was glad she refused to let me walk around once they realized how far I was, she said I'd have had a baby in the hallway.


Since then a lot of people have asked me the difference between my epidural birth and the natural birth. I'm having a hard time explaining how the natural birth felt. The entire time Megan and the doctor kept saying, "I know you're in pain. Push through the pain." But the weird thing was I wasn't in pain. It wasn't painful. I wanted to yell that at them. Turns out Megan who loves natural childbirth had two epidural births. :) She says she could never have a natural childbirth. She couldn't stop gushing over how I was such a rockstar. Even told DH he has to buy me whatever I want for what I had done. I didn't have much of a choice though. This kid came so fast. I was in labor for 5 hours, at the hospital for less than 2 of those, and holding my beautiful son. I knew second labors go faster and my first labor was fast so I expected quick, just wasn't prepared for how quick. And I absolutely didn't expect him to be born at 37 weeks 5 days, two weeks earlier than his brother. So I don't have much of an answer as to how they are different really and which I prefer. I will tell you my recovery this time is 100% different. I was up and walking around the day I delivered CJ. With LD I was hobbling for weeks after. I took Percocet this time the day I delivered CJ since I didn't have the epidural for the pain. I didn't take any the second day, but did take a few Tylenol and a Naproxen. Yesterday I took a Naproxen. Today nothing. I've felt great since delivery overall. DH is pretty proud of me. He was 6 pounds 5 ounces and 19 inches long. 1/2 an inch shorter than LD and 10 ounces lighter. He just seems so much smaller to all of us though. He doesn't even really fit newborn sized clothes.

We left the hospital less than 30 hours after delivery. It was good to get home to LD. He had a great time with Grandma but was super excited to meet CJ. He's a great big brother!!

CJ is doing wonderful. Had his 3 day appointment today and he looked perfect. There's a little bit of flashback to the nursing issues I had with LD. But we're trying really hard to make things work this time around here, without exclusive pumping. I did pump tonight because my milk came in and CJ wasn't quite effective at emptying and things were getting uncomfortable. The lactation consultant we saw yesterday mentioned slipping LD some pumped milk to help boost his immune system and he really needs it so I'm glad she mentioned it. I'm hopeful and optimistic that these small bumps we're facing will be easily overcome and CJ and I will have a wonderful long lasting nursing relationship. Adjusting to a newborn in the house has gone pretty well. It is certainly hard to go without sleep again, but having my mom here is such a blessing and a help. DH is off this week. He'll keep working for the month my mom is visiting and then he'll take time off around Christmas to New Year's. So Mommy has some time to adjust to two kids before she's on her own. And now for your viewing pleasure...