Had my 34 week appointment today. 34 weeks!! Still can't believe it. I didn't gain any weight and my belly didn't grow at all. It's weird but I knew that. I told DH the other day I was worried because my belly hadn't grown he didn't believe me. My doc wasn't worried. She said I hide babies well. Um ok. I really don't have anywhere to hide them but since I can feel that he's wedged under my ribs and kicking me in the junk I suppose that I do hide them pretty well. Yes, I called it junk. My DH would prefer that I didn't. The funniest part is we were visiting his sweet Grandma a few years ago and completely unrelated to me calling it junk she mentioned that no lady would call her private areas junk. Hahahahaha. Yep don't get it twisted, I'm no lady. :) Anyway my doc also told me today that I am not one of her most neurotic patients. Bless her heart. I don't know if she was trying to be nice to me, or if there really are people out there who are more freaked out, anxious, neurotic, and crazy than me. All I could say was I feel sorry for her for having to deal with them and for them for feeling all those things. It isn't fun to be freaked out all the time, but yeah I can't figure out how to turn it off. She suggested since I've mentioned numerous times that this will be my last pregnancy that I enjoy these last few weeks. I'm going to try. Really hard. She thinks we should do a maternity photo shoot. Very few pictures of me pregnant or otherwise exist. I know I need to do better about taking pictures with the kids. I do want them to be able to see that I was around when they were growing up. But I think I'm too cheap for a maternity shoot. And my skin is a bit of a mess. It will clear one week and then the next I'm a teen with acne again, so scheduling on a clear week would be an issue.
I didn't mean for my last post to come across that I was worried about my weight. I really could care less. As long as CJ is healthy I don't care how much I gain or how long it takes for it to be lost, if it is. I just think about all sorts of things in an attempt to avoid thinking of other more anxiety inducing things. Like how there's left than 40 days until his due date and my list to prepare is growing rather than shrinking. ;) I swore two weeks ago I was going to get on top of doing this stuff. Really I need to do that.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Saturday, October 13, 2012
32 weeks 4 days
Another 3 pounds packed on in two weeks. Grand total of 133.3 pounds. 4.3 pounds less than I weighed with LD at 32 weeks. I'm catching up quick though. I don't think I gained 3 pounds every two weeks with LD like I am this time. When I delivered I was just under 140 pounds so just about 7 weeks until my due date and less than 7 pounds to gain before I beat last pregnancy's weight gain. I'm curious(ok scared) about how losing weight will go this time. Last time I lost a ton just giving birth. The rest seemed to disappear due to all the pumping I did. Now that I'm older I wonder if it will be so easy. My blood pressure was good. CJ's heart was good. My belly measured well. All is good.
After the nursing issues I had with LD I wasn't sure how to go about preparing myself to nurse this time. I know it's unrealistic to think that I can exclusively pump again. It was hard enough doing it with one child, I just can't imagine with two kids. I so want to succeed where I feel I failed last time. DH hates it when I mention feeling like a failure since I pumped for longer than anyone said I would, and donated a ton as well. But I do still mourn the loss of a nursing relationship between LD and I. Silly as it sounds. And despite the fact that I was determined to do anything to make nursing work last time, I am as determined-if not more this time. It's hard reading the books and going to the classes again because I find myself second guessing how things went down last time. Was I a wimp? Did I give in because I was in pain? I have a pretty high pain tolerance but I find myself questioning if I could have forced myself to endure it just a little longer, if things may have started working for us. I keep telling myself there's no going back. I did what I could and LD got breastmilk for 18 months. That's what is important. But preparing to nurse CJ has certainly brought a lot of unprocessed and suppressed emotions to the forefront of my mind.
Speaking of emotions, look out. This pregnant lady is on an emotional roller coaster. I'm a serious mess. One minute things seem fine and the next I'm losing my temper over dumb things. Then five minutes later I'm crying. And the energy that I was loving during the second trimester has disappeared. Apparently the emotional roller coaster is exhausting. I'm back to needing naps, though my two year old is testing giving up his naps. We transitioned to the big boy bed and naps have become rare. It's not pretty around here in the afternoon. I don't remember feeling this way last time but last time I spent a lot of time lounging on the couch, not exactly an option with a super busy two year old to keep up with. I'm so looking forward to the moment my two little guys meet for the first time!!
After the nursing issues I had with LD I wasn't sure how to go about preparing myself to nurse this time. I know it's unrealistic to think that I can exclusively pump again. It was hard enough doing it with one child, I just can't imagine with two kids. I so want to succeed where I feel I failed last time. DH hates it when I mention feeling like a failure since I pumped for longer than anyone said I would, and donated a ton as well. But I do still mourn the loss of a nursing relationship between LD and I. Silly as it sounds. And despite the fact that I was determined to do anything to make nursing work last time, I am as determined-if not more this time. It's hard reading the books and going to the classes again because I find myself second guessing how things went down last time. Was I a wimp? Did I give in because I was in pain? I have a pretty high pain tolerance but I find myself questioning if I could have forced myself to endure it just a little longer, if things may have started working for us. I keep telling myself there's no going back. I did what I could and LD got breastmilk for 18 months. That's what is important. But preparing to nurse CJ has certainly brought a lot of unprocessed and suppressed emotions to the forefront of my mind.
Speaking of emotions, look out. This pregnant lady is on an emotional roller coaster. I'm a serious mess. One minute things seem fine and the next I'm losing my temper over dumb things. Then five minutes later I'm crying. And the energy that I was loving during the second trimester has disappeared. Apparently the emotional roller coaster is exhausting. I'm back to needing naps, though my two year old is testing giving up his naps. We transitioned to the big boy bed and naps have become rare. It's not pretty around here in the afternoon. I don't remember feeling this way last time but last time I spent a lot of time lounging on the couch, not exactly an option with a super busy two year old to keep up with. I'm so looking forward to the moment my two little guys meet for the first time!!
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