Another 3 pounds packed on in two weeks. Grand total of 133.3 pounds. 4.3 pounds less than I weighed with LD at 32 weeks. I'm catching up quick though. I don't think I gained 3 pounds every two weeks with LD like I am this time. When I delivered I was just under 140 pounds so just about 7 weeks until my due date and less than 7 pounds to gain before I beat last pregnancy's weight gain. I'm curious(ok scared) about how losing weight will go this time. Last time I lost a ton just giving birth. The rest seemed to disappear due to all the pumping I did. Now that I'm older I wonder if it will be so easy. My blood pressure was good. CJ's heart was good. My belly measured well. All is good.
After the nursing issues I had with LD I wasn't sure how to go about preparing myself to nurse this time. I know it's unrealistic to think that I can exclusively pump again. It was hard enough doing it with one child, I just can't imagine with two kids. I so want to succeed where I feel I failed last time. DH hates it when I mention feeling like a failure since I pumped for longer than anyone said I would, and donated a ton as well. But I do still mourn the loss of a nursing relationship between LD and I. Silly as it sounds. And despite the fact that I was determined to do anything to make nursing work last time, I am as determined-if not more this time. It's hard reading the books and going to the classes again because I find myself second guessing how things went down last time. Was I a wimp? Did I give in because I was in pain? I have a pretty high pain tolerance but I find myself questioning if I could have forced myself to endure it just a little longer, if things may have started working for us. I keep telling myself there's no going back. I did what I could and LD got breastmilk for 18 months. That's what is important. But preparing to nurse CJ has certainly brought a lot of unprocessed and suppressed emotions to the forefront of my mind.
Speaking of emotions, look out. This pregnant lady is on an emotional roller coaster. I'm a serious mess. One minute things seem fine and the next I'm losing my temper over dumb things. Then five minutes later I'm crying. And the energy that I was loving during the second trimester has disappeared. Apparently the emotional roller coaster is exhausting. I'm back to needing naps, though my two year old is testing giving up his naps. We transitioned to the big boy bed and naps have become rare. It's not pretty around here in the afternoon. I don't remember feeling this way last time but last time I spent a lot of time lounging on the couch, not exactly an option with a super busy two year old to keep up with. I'm so looking forward to the moment my two little guys meet for the first time!!
FWIW, I'm losing my weight a whole lot faster/easier than the first time for whatever reason. And 133?! I think a lot of people would kill to weigh that while NOT pregnant! I was up to 170 (yep, that's right) this time around, and now I'm down to around 132. I still have a ways to go, but not too bad for 2 weeks post-partum.
ReplyDeleteAnd being pregnant, especially toward the end is when we are totally allowed to be emotional and cry a lot :). Even thought it was out of character for me and I felt like a fool for crying over nothing, I did it anyway :)
Lol...we don't even think about the physical numbers on the scale around here, much less SAY or WRITE them! ;p
ReplyDeleteSounds like you and CJ are doing great. I'm SO glad to hear it. I know how exciting it is to think of PJ meeting W for the first time...I know that you're feeling that same thing, too! As far as the nursing goes, I truly understand that pressure. Although I didn't pump, we nursed until PJ was almost 20 months old and it took everything I had a LOT of days.I worry, too, that what I have to offer W, both physically and emotionally, will be far less than I had for PJ. I think that's common, though, and I'm trying to give myself some grace. Hope you will, too. <3
As for the emotions...I hear ya. I get on my own nerves with the roller coaster. It'll be over soon, Mama, and you're going to have the greatest prize for your ride. HUGS.
Agreed! Haven't seen 133 since high school and never will again! Don't stress too much about the breast feeding, what happens happens!
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