36 Week Appointment

Today was my 36 week appointment. Little Man grew thankfully. My fundal height at my last two appointments stayed the same and if it was still the same at this appointment we were going to have to have an ultrasound done to figure out what was going on. I also gained a few more pounds, like three. I'm 2cm and 50% effaced. I know that means nothing really. You can walk around that way for weeks, heck I could have been already. We did a quick scan because she wasn't exactly sure she was feeling his head when she did her internal exam. It was his head. He's head down. He's still high enough up that he could potentially turn around again the doc said. I think he's been facing this way for quite some time now so I hope he doesn't decide to turn around. My pelvis feels like it's being axed in half a lot of the time now. Not a feeling I remember from LD. The nesting urge kicked in hardcore last week and I've gotten quite a bit done. Of course I still have a bunch to do but I've at least put a dent in the list. My usual doc won't be seeing me next week because she's on call at the hospital. She told me as I was leaving she may not see me again until my post-partum appointment. Um, I'm only 37 weeks next week. I'm not planning to have a baby next week. My mom doesn't even get here to watch LD until 38 weeks. I'm scheduled to see my usual doc again at 38 weeks the day before Thanksgiving. I told her today I want a Thanksgiving baby. DH will be home so no need to call him at work and no traffic worries. I know CJ won't come until he's good and ready to come, and me telling people I want a Thanksgiving baby probably makes it even less likely he'll come then. Kids like to prove you wrong from birth it seems. :) 

CJ Watch 2012: 2cm 50% effaced

34 Weeks 3 Days

Had my 34 week appointment today. 34 weeks!! Still can't believe it. I didn't gain any weight and my belly didn't grow at all. It's weird but I knew that. I told DH the other day I was worried because my belly hadn't grown he didn't believe me. My doc wasn't worried. She said I hide babies well. Um ok. I really don't have anywhere to hide them but since I can feel that he's wedged under my ribs and kicking me in the junk I suppose that I do hide them pretty well. Yes, I called it junk. My DH would prefer that I didn't. The funniest part is we were visiting his sweet Grandma a few years ago and completely unrelated to me calling it junk she mentioned that no lady would call her private areas junk. Hahahahaha. Yep don't get it twisted, I'm no lady. :) Anyway my doc also told me today that I am not one of her most neurotic patients. Bless her heart. I don't know if she was trying to be nice to me, or if there really are people out there who are more freaked out, anxious, neurotic, and crazy than me. All I could say was I feel sorry for her for having to deal with them and for them for feeling all those things. It isn't fun to be freaked out all the time, but yeah I can't figure out how to turn it off. She suggested since I've mentioned numerous times that this will be my last pregnancy that I enjoy these last few weeks. I'm going to try. Really hard. She thinks we should do a maternity photo shoot. Very few pictures of me pregnant or otherwise exist. I know I need to do better about taking pictures with the kids. I do want them to be able to see that I was around when they were growing up. But I think I'm too cheap for a maternity shoot. And my skin is a bit of a mess. It will clear one week and then the next I'm a teen with acne again, so scheduling on a clear week would be an issue.

I didn't mean for my last post to come across that I was worried about my weight. I really could care less. As long as CJ is healthy I don't care how much I gain or how long it takes for it to be lost, if it is. I just think about all sorts of things in an attempt to avoid thinking of other more anxiety inducing things. Like how there's left than 40 days until his due date and my list to prepare is growing rather than shrinking. ;) I swore two weeks ago I was going to get on top of doing this stuff. Really I need to do that.

32 weeks 4 days

Another 3 pounds packed on in two weeks. Grand total of 133.3 pounds. 4.3 pounds less than I weighed with LD at 32 weeks. I'm catching up quick though. I don't think I gained 3 pounds every two weeks with LD like I am this time. When I delivered I was just under 140 pounds so just about 7 weeks until my due date and less than 7 pounds to gain before I beat last pregnancy's weight gain. I'm curious(ok scared) about how losing weight will go this time. Last time I lost a ton just giving birth. The rest seemed to disappear due to all the pumping I did. Now that I'm older I wonder if it will be so easy. My blood pressure was good. CJ's heart was good. My belly measured well. All is good.

After the nursing issues I had with LD I wasn't sure how to go about preparing myself to nurse this time. I know it's unrealistic to think that I can exclusively pump again. It was hard enough doing it with one child, I just can't imagine with two kids. I so want to succeed where I feel I failed last time. DH hates it when I mention feeling like a failure since I pumped for longer than anyone said I would, and donated a ton as well. But I do still mourn the loss of a nursing relationship between LD and I. Silly as it sounds. And despite the fact that I was determined to do anything to make nursing work last time, I am as determined-if not more this time. It's hard reading the books and going to the classes again because I find myself second guessing how things went down last time. Was I a wimp? Did I give in because I was in pain? I have a pretty high pain tolerance but I find myself questioning if I could have forced myself to endure it just a little longer, if things may have started working for us. I keep telling myself there's no going back. I did what I could and LD got breastmilk for 18 months. That's what is important. But preparing to nurse CJ has certainly brought a lot of unprocessed and suppressed emotions to the forefront of my mind.

Speaking of emotions, look out. This pregnant lady is on an emotional roller coaster. I'm a serious mess. One minute things seem fine and the next I'm losing my temper over dumb things. Then five minutes later I'm crying. And the energy that I was loving during the second trimester has disappeared. Apparently the emotional roller coaster is exhausting. I'm back to needing naps, though my two year old is testing giving up his naps. We transitioned to the big boy bed and naps have become rare. It's not pretty around here in the afternoon. I don't remember feeling this way last time but last time I spent a lot of time lounging on the couch, not exactly an option with a super busy two year old to keep up with. I'm so looking forward to the moment my two little guys meet for the first time!!

30 Weeks 3 Days

I had my 30 week appointment today. I'm up 24 pounds total now. I gained 3 pounds in 2 weeks which is a little more than the pound a week I should be gaining. I finally saw my fundal height measurements as my doc was entering them I'm a 27 today, which was a 2cm increase from last appointment. My doc seems pleased. CJ is literally active 23 out of the 24 hours in a day. Yesterday as I hurried down the supermarket aisle to the checkout a lady stopped me to tell me she could see him kicking and flailing in my belly through my shirt. He does cause quite a stir. I love it though!! I can't believe in less than 10 weeks we'll have a newborn again!! I'm so excited, scared, thankful, overwhelmed, entirely not ready!! I am finally pre-registered at the hospitals. I have to send a huge congrats to Jen from Within Reach her gorgeous twins have arrived. Hoping Jen and her twins can go home quickly and settle into their new routine. Seeing those beautiful babes really hit home with me that CJ isn't an abstract. He's a baby and he'll be here soon and I can't wait!!  67 days and counting...

Hello Third Trimester: 28 weeks

Phew I have now entered the third trimester. Things are crazy around here and I'm feeling quite overwhelmed. We've been fighting a cough for the past month. As in LD started it, passed it to me, and now it's finally made its way to Daddy. LD has also just started having some very icky diapers. Of course anxious Mommy is terrified of catching something from him that could hurt CJ so every diaper change I'm gloving up, taking them directly outside, and disinfecting everything within 10 feet of the diaper change area. And washing my hands constantly so they are dry and painful. *sigh* I just want everyone to be healthy, oh and if we could fast forward to December that'd be cool too. :) Not that keeping a newborn healthy would be any less stressful.

Which leads me to my newest situation to figure out how to work out. We do weekly playgroup and I try to do other activities during the week as well to give LD an opportunity to get out and about and hang out with his friends. Adding a newborn to the mix during flu season just doesn't sit well with me. So I am thinking we'll have to take some time off from playgroup. It stinks because I don't want to make LD feel like he's being punished or change things too much for him, but I also want to keep CJ from being exposed to scary germs when he's so little. I'm also starting to wonder how soon before CJ's arrival we should stop going to playgroup as well. He missed his friends so much during the time we stayed away from playgroup because of his cough so I know it will be hard for him when we have to take a break. Luckily we will have company to keep him engaged.

Still haven't chosen a hospital. Gotta get that done.

What a Difference Two Years Four Months Makes

I had my gestational diabetes test on Tuesday. It was exactly two years and four months since I had done the same test for LD's pregnancy. With LD I scored 137 on a scale of 70-140, but since a lot of doctors use a smaller cut-off I insisted on the 3 hour test just to be sure I was ok. I was but my doc did insist on a dietary change. Results this time: a not even registering on the standard range 66. We have shifted our eating habits, especially in the last month of so. We are trying to eat at home nearly every meal, where before we were eating out almost daily if not twice a day. I have no idea if that has any impact on something like gestational diabetes but something is surely different this time. I was anemic with LD and this time I'm not too. I feel healthier and that is huge for me. Last pregnancy I weighed 131 pounds by this point, this pregnancy 124.7. Of course running after a toddler is probably one of the most effective workouts out there. CJ's heart sounded great and I am measuring right on track. He has a regular routine of movements throughout the day that keep me reassured all is well in the womb. DH put his head on my belly to try to listen to his heart the other night and got a swift kick to the head. That's my boy. :) He asked how I can get any sleep with all that moving going on in there. I'm not really sure. It isn't disruptive to me. I find it soothing. Even the kicks to the ribs and the somewhat jarring kicks to the vagina, which my OB assured me are totally CJ.

I have been having trouble falling asleep but it isn't due to movement. It's the realization that in 3 months, less than 14 weeks, less than 95 days, we will have a newborn in the house. Honestly I feel so completely unprepared. Like I did when we were expecting LD. Like I have no idea how to take care of a newborn. Even though I took care of LD and we all made it through just fine. It feels like that was so, so, so long ago and surely newborns must have changed since then. I've been searching for a diaper bag after realizing the one we used with LD, for the first 6 months when I actually carried it, wouldn't fit the things I should probably be carrying around for a newborn and a toddler. Then I realized I can't even remember what I need to carry around for a newborn. Seriously. I can't remember how to pack a diaper bag for a newborn. I can't remember how to swaddle a newborn. This was all just two years ago and yet I can't remember. I imagine we'll be out and about much more since LD has playdates with his friends and I want to keep him engaged and entertained as much as I try to now. So I think the diaper bag will be essential. Maybe I'm fixated on the diaper bag to help keep my mind off other things that could really freak me out if I think about them. Like how I will be spending the night away from LD when I'm in the hospital with CJ. I've never spent the night away from him. The other night I was imagining that as soon as we are in the recovery room with CJ all swaddled in his bassinet I'm going to lose my crap and want LD there with us. I know the hospital is no place for a two year old, really. My mom will be here and she'll take great care of him, and I'm also insisting that if there's a bedtime involved where I've already had CJ DH must come home and take care of LD. I don't want his life too disrupted. I ordered a diaper bag this morning so I guess it's time to find something else to do to keep my mind busy. Off to research what you're supposed to even put in a diaper bag for a newborn. ;)

Double Digits

I never meant to go so long between posts, but if you're following from my other blog you know I've pretty much fallen off the face of the earth over there too. We've reached viability and we're in the double digit countdown to the due date. I'm spending lots of time focused on all the things I'll need to handle two kiddos. Diaper bags, double strollers, comfy place for baby to sleep while toddler tears up the house... I'm partly experienced and partly swimming in uncharted waters. I've done the baby stages before, but the mother-of-two stuff I'm completely unfamiliar with. I told DH that the second baby should be cheaper because we kept so many of the things we used with the first one, especially since they're both boys so we have clothes already. That turned into a big old fat lie rather quickly. I think I've spent as much on CJ as I did on LD by this point. I can't help it that they make baby shopping so much fun, even LD enjoys it and has picked out tons of stuff for his new "brofer". Part of me feels like this pregnancy is creeping by like my pregnancy with LD did, and the other part feels like it's going pretty quickly. I'm so ready to meet CJ and wish I could send time into warp speed to December. But another part of me wants to savor these moments. We know CJ will be our last so the next three(!!!!) months are my last three months to ever be pregnant. I realized tonight we should probably make a decision about the hospital soon. Our choice is between the hospital we chose not to have LD at, which is only 10 minutes away or a hospital 20-30 minutes away that we toured at the beginning of the pregnancy. We liked the farther hospital when we had the tour and we had pretty much made up our minds to birth there. But I've heard the closer hospital has gotten better since we researched it in 2010. All or almost all of the moms in our playgroup delivered there and none had anything negative to say about the hospital so I'm wondering if we should plan to go to the closer hospital. Technically my labor with LD was quick. I was ready to push 6 hours after my water broke on its own. Of course the doctor was unavailable so I had to labor down for a while. Since they say second labors are usually quicker I'm wondering if we'll have time to get to the further hospital. My doctor suggested registering at both hospitals and just seeing how things go when I go into labor. The hospital we delivered LD at is actually halfway between us and the further hospital, so if we had to stop there because it was time to push I guess I'd get my wish to deliver at the same hospital. I agonized over this decision last time so I'm not surprised to find myself unsure of what to do this time. It all worked out fine in the end last time, so I'm hoping it will this time as well. So much to do and now we're in the double digit countdown.