Let's Try This Again: Birth Story

Let's try this again...
On Friday night I said to DH and my mom that maybe CJ wanted to be born on the 17th since big brother LD was born on the 17th, both were Saturdays. Although I had plenty of stuff to do still I felt like his birth was coming soon after my appointments this week. So glad my mom was able to come Friday morning. That was at least the third time we made her change it.

Every time I got up to pee Friday night I was worried when I got back into bed my water would break. That's what happened last time. At 445 when I woke up it was deja-vu, only no water breaking contractions this time. Same exact time my water broke with LD. I lay in bed for an hour trying to be sure they were contractions and they didn't stop. Despite being told he was engaged Friday at the ultrasound and feeling he'd be here soon I was still sort of not believing I could be in labor. Because ya'll I have to be honest...I still hadn't accepted I was pregnant. Even that close to delivery I was unable to believe and accept what was happening. About 6 I realized I should be timing my contractions but didn't think they were 5 minutes apart. After timing a few I realized they were pretty close to 5 minutes apart. I decided I needed an app to track then better and downloaded one. About 7am after tracking contractions that were anywhere from 3-7 minutes apart for a better part of half an hour I woke up DH. I wanted to take a shower in case it was go time but needed someone to time while I was in the shower. After my shower I realized I was bleeding so decided to call the doc. After a million and one questions and ten minutes for a callback they told me to come in. I wanted to spend some time with LD before we left so I got him dressed and went to tell my mom it was showtime. We left about 8am for the hospital and I was still having contractions every 3-4 minutes. It took about 32 minutes to get there. DH and I joked the whole way there and I wasn't in pain really. They made DH go register when we arrived, despite the fact I had already registered online, and put me in a room to check me out. I peed in a cup and my nurse Megan came in and introduced herself. She was quite chipper and I told her I was hoping this wasn't a false alarm and that I was 3+cm 70% effaced at my last appointment. She asked my pain level, which similar to last time I said 4ish. Quick check revealed I was 6-7cm dilated. She couldn't believe I wasn't in more pain. She asked about epidural last time and I sheepishly admitted to getting one at 9cm. She got pretty excited assuming I wanted a natural childbirth this time. I really hadn't spent too much time mulling it over. I was sort of planning to get an epidural, hoping to make it to 8-9cm before I did though. I remember my first labor vividly and know how my birth canal had to be pieced back together afterwards and I couldn't imagine having that done without some sort of numbing done down there. I also am terrified of transition. The point in labor where contractions are close together and intense to help with pushing. I remember how the epidural was sweet relief and I never felt guilty or bad about getting it. I wasn't disappointed in myself. DH, however was hoping I'd go natural this time. Easy for him to say, right? After realizing how dilated I was Megan got me into a labor and delivery room right away. She mentioned talking to the doctor about allowing me to walk around to manage my contractions after the doctor checked me. There was a nurse prepping the room with all the baby care and delivery tools. Checking the baby warming table. Doing all the things I expect close to delivery. The doctor on call came in and checked me. She asked if I wanted an epidural and I waffled. She reassured me most women, according to her 98%, get an epidural. As I was starting to consent someone mentioned I was on Heparin. Immediately the doc shut down the epidural. DH had rejoined us by this time. I was pretty much in disbelief as it had been over 12 hours since my last Heparin dose, I was actually due for my next one. My doc had switched me from Lovenox to Heparin because according to her Heparin can be reversed so an epidural can be given. Now I was being told nope not happening. The doc on call assured me the pushing stage would be super quick. Her estimate was 15 minutes. At this point my mind was reeling. It was one thing to try to decide about getting an epidural but totally another to be told nope not an option. I was scared. Really, really scared. The nurse told me she'd send off my bloodwork and talk to anesthesia about giving me an epidural but no one seemed optimistic. She took my bloodwork out and sent it off. She came back a few minutes later to start admitting me and I suddenly had the urge to push. I told her I was pretty sure it was time. She checked and it was. Now I was really scared. I knew at that point I was delivering this baby and I wasn't going to have drugs. I was scared for the pain I thought was coming. At that point she told me to go ahead and push when I felt the urge to push. She explained how to push again and then it was go time. That first push felt so ineffective. I was totally letting the fear control my pushing and I held back. I felt him move forward and then as I stopped pushing he slid back. I was so frustrated. I pushed this way for a few more contractions. Then I got a hold of myself and realized the sooner I pushed correctly the sooner he'd be here. I was still terrified though. As soon as I realized I needed to do better pushes I made immediate progress. At this point the doctor came back. I won't lie and say I didn't scream, cry, yell, nearly rip DH and sweet nurse Megan's arms off, and more than once give up and say I couldn't do it. I was pretty convinced he'd be graduating from college from my pelvis more than once. Last time I did not want an episiotomy. I wanted to tear naturally as it is apparently easier to heal that way. This time when I saw the doc reach for the scissors I was relieved. I was hoping her cut would help speed things up. Then suddenly after one particularly forceful push out his head popped. The doctor just caught him, she was turned away looking for something on the table. The doctor and Megan both yelled, "Stop!!" They told me earlier the key to successful natural childbirth is to really listen to the doctor and nurse because that helps keep things in control. Apparently I immediately stopped and repeated back to them stop. I told DH later that I think I stopped from the shock of seeing CJ emerge so quickly from me and being scared he was going to fall out and get hurt. I never exactly wanted to see my child pop out, but it was pretty cool. The rest went quickly at that point and soon he was cradled on my chest. Unbelievable. The doc was glad she refused to let me walk around once they realized how far I was, she said I'd have had a baby in the hallway.


Since then a lot of people have asked me the difference between my epidural birth and the natural birth. I'm having a hard time explaining how the natural birth felt. The entire time Megan and the doctor kept saying, "I know you're in pain. Push through the pain." But the weird thing was I wasn't in pain. It wasn't painful. I wanted to yell that at them. Turns out Megan who loves natural childbirth had two epidural births. :) She says she could never have a natural childbirth. She couldn't stop gushing over how I was such a rockstar. Even told DH he has to buy me whatever I want for what I had done. I didn't have much of a choice though. This kid came so fast. I was in labor for 5 hours, at the hospital for less than 2 of those, and holding my beautiful son. I knew second labors go faster and my first labor was fast so I expected quick, just wasn't prepared for how quick. And I absolutely didn't expect him to be born at 37 weeks 5 days, two weeks earlier than his brother. So I don't have much of an answer as to how they are different really and which I prefer. I will tell you my recovery this time is 100% different. I was up and walking around the day I delivered CJ. With LD I was hobbling for weeks after. I took Percocet this time the day I delivered CJ since I didn't have the epidural for the pain. I didn't take any the second day, but did take a few Tylenol and a Naproxen. Yesterday I took a Naproxen. Today nothing. I've felt great since delivery overall. DH is pretty proud of me. He was 6 pounds 5 ounces and 19 inches long. 1/2 an inch shorter than LD and 10 ounces lighter. He just seems so much smaller to all of us though. He doesn't even really fit newborn sized clothes.

We left the hospital less than 30 hours after delivery. It was good to get home to LD. He had a great time with Grandma but was super excited to meet CJ. He's a great big brother!!

CJ is doing wonderful. Had his 3 day appointment today and he looked perfect. There's a little bit of flashback to the nursing issues I had with LD. But we're trying really hard to make things work this time around here, without exclusive pumping. I did pump tonight because my milk came in and CJ wasn't quite effective at emptying and things were getting uncomfortable. The lactation consultant we saw yesterday mentioned slipping LD some pumped milk to help boost his immune system and he really needs it so I'm glad she mentioned it. I'm hopeful and optimistic that these small bumps we're facing will be easily overcome and CJ and I will have a wonderful long lasting nursing relationship. Adjusting to a newborn in the house has gone pretty well. It is certainly hard to go without sleep again, but having my mom here is such a blessing and a help. DH is off this week. He'll keep working for the month my mom is visiting and then he'll take time off around Christmas to New Year's. So Mommy has some time to adjust to two kids before she's on her own. And now for your viewing pleasure...

Birth Story

I woke up about 445 having contractions. I didn't think too much of them and didn't even time them. At 6 I started to think maybe I should time them. I downloaded an app and started timing. They were about 6-7 minutes apart but not lasting a whole lot longer than 15-20 seconds.
Blergh stupid Blogger app. I typed the whole birth story and attached a picture and its not here. Damn you Blogger. I will write it again when I get a chance.

Second Time

So I've been timing contractions for 2 hours now. Regular, but not consistently 5 minutes apart. This is unfolding ao differently from the first time. Then I had no real contractions until after my water broke. It was pretty obvious we were having a baby that day two years four months ago. Today I'm anxious and wondering if all these contractions are the real deal.

It was the real deal. He arrived happy and healthy and full of spunk at 10:00 this morning. Super fast labor, like no time for an epidural. I'll post more on epidural vs. not later and a picture. I promise. For now off to enjoy the newborn snuggles. I am so very, very blessed.

Introducing...

:) Probably not what some of you were expecting. No, he's not here yet. This was captured during my silly ultrasound this afternoon. Even the tech was like, "Why are we doing this?" But we did it. Let me tell you an ultrasound at 37+ weeks is not fun. I kept having to stop and roll to my left side because I was about to pass out. Luckily the tech was understanding. We joked about how CJ will arrive before the doc even reads the scans and then she'll be able to see exactly how much he weighs. The tech showed me the growth curve lines for all of the measurements he took and CJ was average for every.single.measurement. Save the head. Of course his head was bigger than average. Just like his big brother. Tonight I called the advice nurse because I was not feeling good at all. For some reason I ended up talking to 3 different people and all of them kept asking if I was sure I wasn't in labor, with one asking if any baby parts were sticking out. Um no. Would I sound so calm if there were a baby emerging? I don't think so. The last most helpful nurse told me that since I'm +3cm dilated, 70% effaced, and -2 station she hopes I better have a bag packed because this labor is gonna fly. I'm expecting him to come any day now. Turns out 2 Tums helped me feel better in a jiffy though.

*TMI Alert* Yesterday I had pink tinged discharge and today it was red so I'm assuming I dilated a bit more today. Maybe he will just fall out. ;)

37 weeks 3 days

So I had fabulous appointments with my excellent doctor this entire pregnancy so I guess I was due for a stress inducing appointment. I've been reading other Mama's stressful appointments and feeling utterly sympathetic to their plights and now I'm on the fence and need to be talked down. My doc is at the hospital this week so this appointment is the only one my entire pregnancy where I had to see another doc, my last two appointments are scheduled but sounds like I may not be getting to those appointments(more on that later). I'd never met this doctor and she walks in and tells me she's lost her voice. Um yeah. I'm 38+ weeks pregnant and have my toddler with me and you're apparently sick. Thanks. She proceeds to do an internal exam and then goes over to the chintzy office u/s machine. My doc never does u/s though she did a quick one to be sure he was head down last week. She tells me his fluid looks good, his heart looks good, and he's looking good. My only question for her was should I be concerned I lost 4 pounds since last week. Seemed like a lot to me and I have no idea how I lost it. I've been seriously pigging out. She asks if I've had an u/s to check how big he is yet. Uh, no. That is like one of the most unreliable things to do to check baby size. Why do all of us laypeople know this but docs don't? Then she asks me if she's measured my belly yet. She hadn't. No growth from last week. But he didn't shrink either and I'm pretty sure I've dropped, no idea if that makes a difference. Then she says I need to have an u/s today or tomorrow to check his size and goes to see if there's an appointment. Without letting me get a word in edgewise. She comes back with appointment times for tomorrow and as I'm trying to process what's happening my anxiety and worry is building. As she goes out to make the appointment I ask her again if everything looks ok on the u/s she did, what is the u/s I need to have tomorrow for. She says to make sure baby isn't too big(um he's consistently measured small-so did LD I make and carry small babies I weigh 110 pounds not pregnant damn it I'm a freaking stick) or too small. I have no idea what the heck we do if he's too small. I mean how do I bulk him up. He is what he is. My doc wasn't worried last week, why suddenly this week is there a reason to send me for u/s???? I'm freaking out. I sent my doc a message but have no idea if she'll see it today or tomorrow. I know u/s is so unreliable for weight checks. I know I shouldn't be letting this raise my stress levels. CJ is fine. He is in there doing his happy dances and all is well. But damn this doc for freaking me the hell out. I should have asked my doc to see me at the hospital so I didn't have to see someone who completely doesn't know me or my babies. Since I mentioned probably not making it to my other appointments today I am over 3cm(she made a point to stress the more than 3) and 70% effaced. When I mentioned my mom doesn't arrive until Monday to take care of LD while we're at the hospital she laughed and told me I better spend the weekend on the couch not moving then. AHHH. Seriously? I already made my mom change her flight from Tuesday to Monday. Now I think we're going to have to fly her here tomorrow. Of course she could be totally wrong. I could still be pregnant 2 weeks from now. I know this. But I've been having contractions on a regular basis(never happened with LD) so I'm pretty freaked out about that. I knew all those contractions must have been doing something. They were. Luckily my mom agreed to let us buy her a ticket to come earlier. So we'll be ready if he decides to come this weekend. Joke will be on me if I'm still waddling around pregnant in two weeks. Though I feel like he'll be here by next week at the latest.

36 Week Appointment

Today was my 36 week appointment. Little Man grew thankfully. My fundal height at my last two appointments stayed the same and if it was still the same at this appointment we were going to have to have an ultrasound done to figure out what was going on. I also gained a few more pounds, like three. I'm 2cm and 50% effaced. I know that means nothing really. You can walk around that way for weeks, heck I could have been already. We did a quick scan because she wasn't exactly sure she was feeling his head when she did her internal exam. It was his head. He's head down. He's still high enough up that he could potentially turn around again the doc said. I think he's been facing this way for quite some time now so I hope he doesn't decide to turn around. My pelvis feels like it's being axed in half a lot of the time now. Not a feeling I remember from LD. The nesting urge kicked in hardcore last week and I've gotten quite a bit done. Of course I still have a bunch to do but I've at least put a dent in the list. My usual doc won't be seeing me next week because she's on call at the hospital. She told me as I was leaving she may not see me again until my post-partum appointment. Um, I'm only 37 weeks next week. I'm not planning to have a baby next week. My mom doesn't even get here to watch LD until 38 weeks. I'm scheduled to see my usual doc again at 38 weeks the day before Thanksgiving. I told her today I want a Thanksgiving baby. DH will be home so no need to call him at work and no traffic worries. I know CJ won't come until he's good and ready to come, and me telling people I want a Thanksgiving baby probably makes it even less likely he'll come then. Kids like to prove you wrong from birth it seems. :) 

CJ Watch 2012: 2cm 50% effaced

34 Weeks 3 Days

Had my 34 week appointment today. 34 weeks!! Still can't believe it. I didn't gain any weight and my belly didn't grow at all. It's weird but I knew that. I told DH the other day I was worried because my belly hadn't grown he didn't believe me. My doc wasn't worried. She said I hide babies well. Um ok. I really don't have anywhere to hide them but since I can feel that he's wedged under my ribs and kicking me in the junk I suppose that I do hide them pretty well. Yes, I called it junk. My DH would prefer that I didn't. The funniest part is we were visiting his sweet Grandma a few years ago and completely unrelated to me calling it junk she mentioned that no lady would call her private areas junk. Hahahahaha. Yep don't get it twisted, I'm no lady. :) Anyway my doc also told me today that I am not one of her most neurotic patients. Bless her heart. I don't know if she was trying to be nice to me, or if there really are people out there who are more freaked out, anxious, neurotic, and crazy than me. All I could say was I feel sorry for her for having to deal with them and for them for feeling all those things. It isn't fun to be freaked out all the time, but yeah I can't figure out how to turn it off. She suggested since I've mentioned numerous times that this will be my last pregnancy that I enjoy these last few weeks. I'm going to try. Really hard. She thinks we should do a maternity photo shoot. Very few pictures of me pregnant or otherwise exist. I know I need to do better about taking pictures with the kids. I do want them to be able to see that I was around when they were growing up. But I think I'm too cheap for a maternity shoot. And my skin is a bit of a mess. It will clear one week and then the next I'm a teen with acne again, so scheduling on a clear week would be an issue.

I didn't mean for my last post to come across that I was worried about my weight. I really could care less. As long as CJ is healthy I don't care how much I gain or how long it takes for it to be lost, if it is. I just think about all sorts of things in an attempt to avoid thinking of other more anxiety inducing things. Like how there's left than 40 days until his due date and my list to prepare is growing rather than shrinking. ;) I swore two weeks ago I was going to get on top of doing this stuff. Really I need to do that.